I haven’t blogged for a few weeks as I didn’t have anything to write about. Nobody wants to read about relationship and house hunting woes!
That changed today…obviously.
Today we finally went to the Emergency Services Fun Day that I’d been threatening, I mean using an incentive for J to be a good boy all week.
Is this good behaviour? No it’s not is it? Good boys don’t get to go to the fun day do they?
There were various iterations of this over the week. And on the whole, it totally worked!
Now before I tell you about the day we had I need to salute each and every single parent because I was solo parenting at the fun day for 4 hours and that was enough. J had a great time but I was stressed out, fraught, hot sweaty mess. When we got home the first thing I did was neck the rest of the strawberry lambrini (don’t judge) in the fridge. I don’t stress drink (I stress eat BIG time) for reasons I’ll go into on another blog. But those 4 hours drove me to drink! And it’s not because he’s mega naughty, because he’s not. I’m just a mega stressed out momma.
Anyway back to Sunday morning (day of the fun day) and of course it was piddling down with rain so I asked J whether he still wanted to go the fun day or would he prefer to go swimming instead. “Swimming” he said. Several times.
So I spent 20 minutes awkwardly shaving my legs in the bathroom to then be met with “I’ve changed my mind. Daddy says I have to tell you”. So through gritted teeth I asked again if he was sure he wanted to go to the fun day to see the fire engines, police cars and ambulances and he said yes. I reminded him that today was his treat for being a good boy so if that’s what he wanted, then that’s what we’d do. I then banged my head against the wall and went back into the bathroom.
So after spending another 20 minutes washing and drying my hair we were ready to go. I was determined to have a good time despite getting off to a bad start so gave myself a talking to and off we went.
First we went to McDonald’s for lunch because I figured it was better to do that than have to queue to food and find somewhere to sit and eat it at the park. Despite it taking 30 minutes, it definitely took the stress out of the unknown.
After eating inside we then had to go through drive thru for Daddy who was staying at home. So after dropping his maccies off we were finally en route and I was already feeling a bit harrassed if I’m honest. It was 12pm and we’d made no progress whatsoever!
The Emergency Services Day was in Longton Park but they were providing free buses to and from the event from the bet365 Stadium (which I will forever call Britannia Stadium sorry!). So I decided to utilise that as J has never been on a bus and I hadn’t been on one for 11 years. And again, not being able to park somewhere is as stressful AF!
So here we are having a great time…no seriously he loved it.
It’s going fast mummy.
Ooh it’s a bit bumpy mummy.
Ooh mummy look at those cars there.
I like the bus.
So we hopped off the bus, which dropped us off right outside, and followed the crowds inside. I’d already explained on the bus that J needed to hold my hand because it was going to be busy and I didn’t want to lose him. So of course the second we got off the bus he refused to hold my hand.
He did however want to meet a giant teddy
And sit on a tiny bloodmobile
He was lucky to be given a fireman hat by a lovely lady who was showing us the display car they use for school demos. Then he watched a big fire crane at work.
Despite having a meltdown because he had to queue to go on the fire engine, he loved eventually getting on it.
We then headed to the funfair. Where he got me to pay £2.50 to go on an inflatable assault course that he then decided he was too small for. I was struggling at this point because he was getting quite demanding. I asked if he was tired and he said no. Which of course meant yes. But he loves the funfair so we agreed he could go on 3 rides.
We’re quite lucky with J because as long as you explain things in advance he’s fine with it. At bed time he gets a 20, 10 and 5 minute warning and he goes to bed with minimal fuss. So when I said “no more rides now” he didn’t kick up a fuss.
I’ll admit that I was really hot by this point. I had to wear my jacket because I needed the pockets for my phone and my purse and I couldn’t really carry it anyway. J’s coat was in the already full bag so that wasn’t an option. But it so muggy I was getting agitated.
J had insisted on picking this balloon up when we entered the competition for the lego creators beetle kit. But it was quickly passed to me with a request for me to carry it instead. Along with his fireman hat, and the bag with the coat in. Then he decided he wanted to hold my hand afterall! More agitation.
At this point I felt like a pack horse and was getting warmer and warmer whilst J was getting whingier and whingier!
So I made an executive decision and decided to head for home, which again J was fine with because I’d said we’d take a walk through the park to get back to the bus stop and he got to splash in a puddle in the band stand.
The balloon came off the pole several times before reaching the bus stop and each time J was devastated. Then when we got to the bus stop, a bus had just pulled up but J had hold of the balloon and just as we were about to step on, the sodding balloon made a break for freedom. J had a complete mental breakdown so I had to run after it whilst resembling a deranged sweaty mess shouting J not to move as he stood screaming he wanted the bloody balloon back. Eventually we got on the bus with the sodding balloon but both a bit traumatised by the whole debacle!
This is when I realised that having 4 hands was so much easier than just 2. And it was only when I got home to reflect on it that I realised how grateful I am that this wasn’t our permanent reality. I still struggle trying to balance being a mum with being a partner and working full time. And I only manage it the way I do because there are two of us at home to tackle everything together. And sometimes I still don’t manage, particularly at the moment.
Days like today I do find stressful. I try really hard not to lose my patience and fail miserably every time. I try to give J nice experiences because I don’t remember ever doing these things as a kid myself. But doing them alone is so much harder.
I then feel guilty for struggling on these odd occassions because for so many people they have no choice BUT to do these things on their own day in day out.
Then anxiety kicks in and I feel like a shit mum for not being able to manage these things on my own.
And do you know what snapped me out of that feeling? J having a complete mental breakdown screaming tantrum for 30 minutes as soon as we got home.
Seems he can’t hold his shit together all the time either! So we’ll just muddle through like we always do, keep doing what we do, going where we go, with and without daddy. And maybe at some point we’ll both find easier, we’ll both have a good time and we won’t be driven to drink / mega tantrums!
The Forever Drop Out 